Sometimes when I am working with someone, I see that they have a semicolon tattoo. Tattoos aren’t all that unusual, of course. I have three myself. Most of the time when I see a tattoo, I use it mainly as a handy marker to remember where I felt something notable in someone’s tissue.
The semicolon tattoo is different, though. Every time I see some version of it on a client, it reminds me to pause, to take in this human who has trusted me with their body for a time, and to respect the whole person, just as they are, right in this moment.
As you may know, the semicolon tattoo is a quiet message of acceptance and affirmation about suicide, depression, and other mental health issues. Even now, there is often fear and stigma around these topics, or around anything that’s not in the very narrow range of “normal.” When was the last time you had a real and open conversation about the times when you are not feeling all the way okay?
One day, I was working with a new client at the spa. She came in for a “couples” massage with her sister-in-law. It was her first massage. This is not so unusual. Some times friends booked the couples massage because they felt more comfortable with more people in the room – especially if one of them had never had a massage before.
Normally, I dislike couples’ massages. The room is almost always not quite big enough for two therapists and two tables. There is always a point where the room temperature switches from comfortable to barely-able-to-breathe. And, in my experience, most of the people who get couples’ massages have no interest in considering regular massage to support their health. I only did them rarely at the spa.
This client, however, felt different to me. I’ll call her Kelly -*. Kelly answered my questions so quietly that I had to lean in and ask her to repeat herself several times. Her smile was warm and her eyes were on the edge of apprehensive. As the other therapist and I left the room, we heard Kelly’s sister-in-law give her detailed instructions on how to get on the table and where to put her clothes (something I had just done.)
I don’t know the exact thing that made me tune in with more attention when I met Kelly. For lack of a better word, I’ll call it tenderness. There was something tender and lightly shielded about her. Plus, I always feel a little protective of clients who are getting their first massage. It’s a vulnerable experience.
Kelly’s sister-in-law and her therapist chatted for most of the massage. Normally, this would have distracted me for the whole hour, but as I cradled Kelly’s feet, I noticed she had a small semicolon tattooed on her ankle. It caught my attention and helped me tune out everything in the room except Kelly and me. This human. Right now. Who deserves my time, my attention, and, yes, my caring love.
I am grateful for the semicolon tattoo, and for what it represents. I am grateful for the way it reminds me to come back to the present moment and just be with this person. I am grateful that there is a quiet way to acknowledge that some of us (all of us, if we’re honest) will struggle to maintain this life sometimes. I am grateful that Kelly did.
*- “Kelly” is a composite character based on several different client interactions.