Yes, here I am. Yet another woman musing on the difficulty of “having it all.” I went about my tasks this morning — eating breakfast, folding laundry, mentally preparing for a busy day — and as I usually do, I let my mind wander a bit. And, as sometimes happens with former Literature geeks, I started musing on the real meanings of words.
All. It All.
What is “it all” anyway, and how do I know when I have it? And while I’m on the subject, do I really “have” any of it?
This last thought stopped me for a minute. Having equals holding equals grasping equals fear of losing. So when I have, really and truly have, I put myself automatically in danger of living from fear of no longer having.
I see this often in my clients, and even more often in my students. We acquire something — knowledge, a skill, a new range of motion, and after the initial joy of the thing has faded a bit, we work extra hard to protect that thing, so we stop taking risks. And we forget that taking a risk was how we got the thing in the first place.
For me, I have worked very hard and (for me) very patiently to get approved to teach S4OM-approved Oncology Massage Workshops through Greet the Day. I finally got that approval, and for a while, I just held that approval in my hand. I had it.
But not It All. So, now I am taking the risk and reaching out to people I know, trying to create opportunities to teach this workshop. I have put together a proposal for a formidable former teacher, I have contacted friends and acquaintances in other states, I have said out loud that I am qualified and ready to do this important and scary thing. The risk of asking will soon (I hope) be overtaken by the risk of someone actually saying yes — which requires doing.
Which brings me back to my Lit geek headspace — having it all is an action, always in motion. It is a goal which shifts as soon as we near it, and rather than frustration, that inspires a new burst of creativity. Journeying. Learning.
It is an excellent adventure.