This morning I had coffee with the Cabal. For years, I have teased my friend about the regular group of artists, writers, weavers and other creative types which meets at the coffee shop down the street. They are forever planning salons, gatherings, and movie discussion nights. They have deep roots in our local community, and they are creatures of habit –at least when it comes to morning caffeine delivery. Truth be told, I was always a little envious of this group, and wondered if I had the creative chops to ever join them.
Today, I did. They were the warmest, most intelligent group of people I’ve ever shared an early morning with. Briefly, we talked about my upcoming reading at one of their salons. It was so friendly, I didn’t think to feel inadequate. After they all left to go to work, I had a bit of time, so I stuck around to do some writing. In college, I thought that this would be my life. Meeting bright, interesting people for coffee, planning readings, writing writing writing.
By the time I got to school, I felt restless. It’s the end of term, and the students demand attention, calm, and patience. So much patience. But my morning with the creatives opened up the gap between Have and Want, so I found it hard to focus on their needs. I hope I was kind and thorough, and I hope I kept my resentments for when I was alone in the faculty lounge, entering their test scores into the computer.
I love my work. Truly, I do. The problem is it often consumes so much of my energy that I have nothing left to feed myself. So, I fill myself with junk, literally and metaphorically. These potato chips are not fueling my body for a long day ahead, and yet another game of Moxie on my phone is not fueling my mind for calm awareness.
I asked a student today what she was doing for self-care to handle an emotionally difficult time. It is time, once again, to turn that question on myself. Luckily, I learned this morning that I have the creative resources to figure it out.